


New Ways of Dealing With Idiots

by dragonspell



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Hyperbolic Time Chamber | The Room of Spirit and Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-06-02 06:51:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19436176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonspell/pseuds/dragonspell
Summary: The first time that Vegeta crawls into Kakarot’s bed, it is in sheer self-defense.(Or Vegeta resorts to desperate measures to gain some peace and shut Goku up in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber.)





	New Ways of Dealing With Idiots

The first time that Vegeta crawls into Kakarot’s bed, it is in sheer self-defense.

Over the course of the past _year_ that they have spent together in the Time Chamber, every waking moment in each other’s presence—day after day, _week_ after _week_ —Vegeta has put up with any number of Kakarot’s more irritating characteristics and mannerisms. He’s had to. Working in such close proximity to the man has forced Vegeta to adapt, learning to ignore the endless prattling, the buffoonery, and the utter shamelessness of the man. It seems as if the clown is never serious unless he is in the heat of battle—and sometimes not even then. 

Kakarot is only silent if he is sleeping and apparently only wears clothes if he has to. Vegeta had been appalled to find out that last one. He’s no prude by any stretch of the imagination, but there are lines and Vegeta wonders if he has seen more of Kakarot’s skin than even the idiot’s wife. He knows every single proportion of Kakarot’s physique— _every single one_ —and he’s crossed the universe in cramped space pods with men whose bodies he knew less about.

The man is fond of taking naps, however, something that while not necessarily a good quirk to have, is a useful one. Vegeta has not exactly been discouraging the habit as it has given him a short respite from the never-ending chatter that drops from Kakarot’s mouth like a rushing waterfall. Blessed silence for a few too short hours—besides the man’s incessant snoring, but Vegeta can tune that out if he has to.

Lately, however, Vegeta has been rethinking his position on the matter of Kakarot’s naps as it has an unfortunate side effect. During their sleep cycle, when the fool should actually be sleeping, he has been slowly introducing a new kind of torture. 

“Hey, Vegeta?” Kakarot asks in the simulated darkness, right on cue, just as always. If Vegeta doesn’t reply, tries to sleep like they _both_ should be doing, Kakarot will repeat his query—over and over and over again until Vegeta finally gives him an answer. To make matters worse, Vegeta knows that it will only be followed by some inane comment—about flying, or food, or thrice damned Beerus and Whis—and Vegeta is going to end this groaning into his pillow which the idiot will only take as an invitation to continue instead of a deterrent.

Of course, this time is worse—because it always gets worse with Kakarot. It was bound to happen, but Vegeta had somehow fooled himself into thinking that it wouldn’t. The question that pops out of Kakarot’s mouth is not about something that Vegeta could give fuck all about in that moment. It’s about Bulma. Damn the man. “What do you think Bulma is doing right now?”

“How the hell should I know?” Vegeta growls back and rolls his whole body to face the other way. Of all the stupid questions—and now it is in Vegeta’s head. That is the last thing that he needs. He is stuck inside this chamber with this blithering idiot for almost another two years. Vegeta doesn’t need distractions like thinking about Bulma or Trunks or that odd ache in his chest that starts up every now and then when he thinks about either of them and damn Kakarot for making him.

The idiot has no idea the damage that he has done. He never does until the wreckage is already lying around him. He just keeps prattling on, like the fool that he is. “I’ll bet that she has, like, twenty ideas. She’s smart like that.” Yes, she is and she probably does have twenty different ideas brewing in that head of hers, all of which have turned into twenty different projects, each occupying a section of the various labs. If she has run out of space, then the projects have either spilled out into the living spaces or she is commissioning new labs as Kakarot continues to ramble and _damn it_. 

Vegeta snarls and slams a pillow over his head as Kakarot goes on, oblivious as always to the fact that this is a one-sided conversation. It has never stopped him before. Again and again, Kakarot brings up what Bulma might or might not be doing, then moves on to Trunks and Vegeta is well aware that the only thing that will shut him up is to physically stop him from speaking. A punch to the face. Duct tape. Something else. Vegeta pulls the pillow down tighter over his ear but it doesn’t help—his brain oh so helpfully fills in any and all of the blanks. He tosses the pillow to the end of the bed and sits up, his body moving before he has time to truly think about what he is about to do. 

If he thinks about it, he might stop.

“Vegeta?” Kakarot says, finally interrupting his inane babble as Vegeta kneels on his bed. It is only a moment’s peace, a false sense, because in only a few seconds, Kakarot will launch into something else. A punch to the face. Duct tape. ...Something else. Vegeta is still deciding on which to choose.

Kakarot blinks up at him, completely trusting like the naive fool that he is, and Vegeta’s fists clench in the sheets of Kakarot’s bed. Just what does he think that he is doing? He should have punched the idiot first thing, should have slammed a fist into his face the moment that Kakarot started speaking. Now, he’s wasted too much time. It’s awkward.

And he doesn’t have any duct tape.

“What’s wrong, Vegeta?” Fuck it.

Vegeta lunges forward and crushes his lips to Kakarot’s, denying the man the air to speak, and Kakarot’s words die in a surprised squeak. 

Kakarot’s hands slap the bed beside him before coming back up and latching onto Vegeta’s shoulders, then dropping down to his arms, as if confused about where they should be. Vegeta doesn’t care. This has bought him a few blessed moments of silence and that is all that matters.

Or at least, it all that should.

But when is life ever that simple? In solving one problem, Vegeta has inadvertently discovered another, because there is some small voice inside his head, growing louder and louder each passing second that wants him to acknowledge that this isn’t exactly unpleasant.

In fact, he is quite enjoying—no. No, he is not. He’s enjoying the silence, that’s all. He isn’t possibly enjoying kissing this buffoon and to prove it, Vegeta is going to stop right now and go find some duct tape like he should have done in the first place. Vegeta breaks the kiss and puts a few inches of space between him and Kakarot. He is dismayed to find himself panting and tries to bring his breathing under control.

Unfortunately, Kakarot doesn’t allow him the time to do so. Within a few seconds, the man is pushing back into Vegeta’s space, invading like he has any right to do so, and bringing their mouths together again.

 _Finally_ , that little voice says. Vegeta tells it to fuck off and kisses Kakarot back.

It’s sloppy, tongue and teeth everywhere, but somehow it is all Vegeta wants. He pushes in closer to Kakarot, leaving not an ounce of air between them as Kakarot does the same, his arms wrapping around Vegeta to hold him tight. Together, it is like a battle, one gives as the other takes before being forced back again and again, neither of them gaining on the other. Vegeta’s blood sings, calling to Kakarot’s own.

He hadn’t known that this is what his life had been missing. He has his family, the promise of battle with an equal opponent, but his body has been craving more—the embrace of a fellow warrior. In Saiyan culture, the lovers found on the battlefield were always revered, holding the same importance as any formally taken mate—especially the ones that spilt blood together in battle after battle. He supposes that somewhere along the way, he and Kakarot became something akin to that.

Damn it anyway.

Their mouths still locked, he pushes Kakarot down and climbs on top of him, his legs spreading to either side to accommodate for Kakarot’s larger body. He’s dismayed at how badly he seems to want this. He’s physically _trembling_ , for fuck’s sake, and he refuses to be that pathetic. He clenches his fists and braces them on the bed beside Kakarot’s head as he looks for some semblance of control. 

Unfortunately, there is none to be had.

Even as Vegeta fights his own base desires, Kakarot gives in, his hands sliding down Vegeta’s back for a sneak attack on his rear end and instead of punching the man like he should, Vegeta rocks forward, grinding himself against Kakarot’s hard front. Kakarot’s hands seem to reach everywhere, touching everything, as they slide even lower, curving around Vegeta’s body.

“Vegeta,” Kakarot whispers, apparently uncaring of how weak he might sound, and he bucks upwards, driving himself between Vegeta’s spread legs. Vegeta groans at how good it feels to have Kakarot moving against him, his body instinctively following Kakarot’s rhythm as the two of them rut together like adolescents just discovering their hormones.

Shameful. Utterly shameful.

And Vegeta can’t seem to make himself stop. He just wants more.

Deciding that at the very least, he won’t come in his pants like an inexperienced teenager, Vegeta shoves his bottoms down to his thighs, freeing himself. Kakarot stares at Vegeta’s newly bared skin, then moves to reciprocate, shedding the last of his own clothes in short order—not that he had much left in that regard.

Breathing hard, Vegeta drops his head against Kakarot’s chest and gives into the temptation to reach down and touch Kakarot’s hard cock. It’s a little bigger than he thought it would be when erect, wet at the head with Kakarot’s excitement, and Kakarot actually _squeals_ as Vegeta makes contact with the sensitive skin.

Vegeta’s face flushes with embarrassment along with building arousal. Well. That had certainly been an interesting noise. And being able to hold Kakarot’s cock isn’t exactly a burden for him, beyond the throb of his lower region. Vegeta can only seem to focus on pulling more sounds out of Kakarot’s writhing body, unable to think beyond that singular goal. The sound of his name on Kakarot’s lips in that breathy tone has his heart pounding in his chest. How ironic that this all started as a way to shut the man up but now all Vegeta wants is more noise. 

Always a quick learner, Kakarot cups Vegeta’s erection as well, fingers taking on the same grip as Vegeta has, and stroking from root to tip. Vegeta’s vision grows dim around the edges. A “Kakarot” slips past the barrier of his teeth and he tilts his head to search for a kiss. Kakarot answers him, mouth locking with Vegeta’s as his thumb moves in circles along the head of Vegeta’s cock, teasing slick from the slit until Vegeta shudders. 

_That_ wasn’t something that Vegeta had shown him. Kakarot had thought of that move all on his own. Vegeta wonders if it is something that Kakarot likes to do to himself and the thought causes a stab of pleasure deep in his belly, the image of Kakarot off on his own in the woods somewhere, pants down around his ankles as he gets himself off bright and clear in Vegeta’s mind.

Kakarot’s grip is the tightest that Vegeta has felt outside of his own in a long time, and the reminder of Kakarot’s strength excites him even more. This man is one of the few that can still best him, still pound him into the dirt if he makes even the slightest mistake, and though that incites Vegeta’s anger and pride, it also makes him hard.

So very, very hard.

He’s had thoughts like this before—quick, offhanded things that have shocked him with their vulgarity—but he’s dismissed them from his mind before he’s had a chance to act on them. Now, he’s wondering why he even bothered. He and Kakarot could have been doing this very same thing a long time ago, fulfilling each others’ needs for more than just battle, slaking their mutual desires.

Vegeta digs his free hand into Kakarot’s hair as he braces himself. He can feel an orgasm fast approaching, forced by Kakarot’s large hands, the stretch of his legs around Kakarot’s body, and his own overactive imagination. Kakarot’s one hand is still cupping Vegeta’s backside, fingers curving to encompass from his thigh down to the swell of Vegeta’s balls, and Vegeta presses more firmly against it. Kakarot’s tongue swirls in Vegeta’s mouth, inviting thoughts of other, just as pleasurable ways of merging their bodies together and Vegeta starts to shake.

It’s embarrassing, but he is about to come already, all from a little touching. He grasps at the fraying ends of his control but finds that even the remnants are already gone and he has no choice but to go over the edge. Damn Kakarot for bringing him to this point. The years existing between them, the excitement brought about by Kakarot himself, and that maddening hold he has on Vegeta’s sensitive parts means that Vegeta has fuck all chances of lasting any longer.

Vegeta moans as he comes, his voice thankfully muffled by Kakarot’s mouth. Ecstasy radiates through his limbs, shaking him to his core, as Kakarot holds him tight.

His eyes fluttering open, Vegeta breaks away from the kiss to get some much needed air, panting on top of Kakarot. He stares down at the mess that he has made of Kakarot’s chest and feels pleased with himself. That’s going to require a bit of cleanup.

“ _Damn_ , Vegeta,” Kakarot swears, looking at the same sight. He chokes on a groan as Vegeta tightens his grip, eyes closing as he gives himself over to Vegeta’s care.

Vegeta smirks as his breath slowly evens out. He likes having Kakarot under his thumb for once—or palm, as the case might be. Kakarot’s responsive to every little touch, body moving with the pleasure, soft, shameless little sounds echoing through the room.

It makes Vegeta want to step up his game. “If you think that’s good,” Vegeta says, “then this is going to blow your mind.” He shifts downward and lets his tongue trail through his own mess, licking at the come on Kakarot’s chest. Kakarot shudders underneath him, his hands sliding into Vegeta’s hair. His quiet groans grow louder, more desperate the closer Vegeta gets to his goal.

“Brace yourself, Kakarot,” Vegeta says mockingly and flattens his tongue against Kakarot’s cock, licking a firm stripe from the base to the head. Kakarot tries to buck beneath him, but Vegeta holds him down. He uses his tongue to tease the tip of Kakarot’s cock, giving it short little flicks along the top before he seals his mouth around it and sucks. 

Kakarot yells loud enough to wake the dead, startling Vegeta into bolting upright. Vegeta looks around instinctively to see if anyone heard, before he remembers where they are. Thankfully, in this alternate dimension, there’s no one around to hear Kakarot scream but him. He blinks down at Kakarot, watching as the man squirms.

“Sorry!” Kakarot apologizes, his voice thinning into a whine. Vegeta hates it when Kakarot whines, mostly because of how easily he caves when Kakarot resorts to that tone. “It just felt really, really _good_ , you know?” He bites his lip and Vegeta wants to punch him as a soft aftershock of desire ripples through his body. How had Vegeta ever been cursed with this clown? The last of their species and it has to be _him_. “Could you maybe, um, do that again?” Kakarot’s hands stroke along Vegeta’s thighs as he tries to wheedle his way into more pleasure. 

Damn the man. Kakarot looks good like that.

“I’ll be quiet, I swear.” Kakarot’s thumbs are drawing little circles along Vegeta’s inner thighs and it’s damn distracting. “Please? Pretty please?”

“Stop your begging!” Vegeta orders and tries to pretend like he is doing Kakarot a favor and not following through on what he wanted to do all along. He doesn’t need Kakarot knowing just how much he wants to get his mouth on Kakarot’s cock—or how much he actually likes Kakarot’s noise. The man is insufferable enough as it is. “Fine! But you better not make a sound.” Vegeta bends back down, his mouth inches away from Kakarot’s cock as he wraps a hand around the base.

Kakarot whimpers, wiggling in Vegeta’s grip. “Maybe a little bit of noise? I don’t know if I can be _completely_ quiet!”

Vegeta smirks. “Let’s see how much you want it,” he says and swallows the tip of Kakarot’s cock again. Kakarot slaps a hand over his mouth, trying hard to keep himself silent. He’s not exactly successful, despite his best efforts, but Vegeta pretends not to notice. Kakarot’s little whines and whimpers are music to his ears, though he’s certainly not going to let Kakarot know that. He likes how helpless they sound, like Kakarot is at his mercy, a slave to the pleasure that Vegeta deigns to give him.

Vegeta holds Kakarot down as he allows Kakarot’s cock to slide deeper into his throat. He increases the suction, flattening his tongue to the underside. Kakarot’s powerful hips fight him, pushing upward, but Vegeta keeps them still. He bobs his head, running his lips up and down the shaft of Kakarot’s cock and twisting every so often as Kakarot grabs Vegeta’s hair again. His own body aches at the thought of the pleasure that Kakarot must be feeling. He wants to make this good for Kakarot—prove himself.

When Kakarot is close, he feels it in how the muscles tighten under his hands, the sudden stillness of Kakarot’s formerly writhing body. Kakarot tries to warn him with a sharp tug to his hair and a “Vegeta, I’m—” 

Vegeta pulls back just enough not to choke and lets Kakarot empty himself in Vegeta’s mouth. Kakarot’s moaning takes a high-pitched edge as he pulses over Vegeta’s tongue, and Vegeta hums his approval. 

That’s right, Kakarot, he thinks. Give him everything.

He swallows it, not wanting to deal with any more mess, gives Kakarot one last suck, and pulls off, letting Kakarot’s cock slap against his belly. Kakarot’s noise dies down into a soft sigh and he releases the death grip that he has on Vegeta’s hair. His hands flop on the bed above his head. “Wow,” he says and falls silent.

Vegeta sits up to look down at him, taking in how utterly relaxed and worn out Kakarot looks at the moment, mirroring how Vegeta feels himself. The room is completely quiet save the sound of their breathing. Vegeta exhales and lets himself tumble to the side, stretching out beside Kakarot and closing his eyes, content to just _exist_ for a little while. 

Vegeta wishes that he would have figured this out sooner. He could have had so many more peaceful nights had he known that an orgasm would shut Kakarot up. The silence stretches on long enough that Vegeta feels himself nodding off.

And then Kakarot ruins it.

“Hey, Vegeta?” Vegeta considers ignoring Kakarot’s voice, but that is proven to be an impossibility due to the fact that he is currently in Kakarot’s _bed_ when Kakarot’s large paw falls onto Vegeta’s shoulder.

“What?” Vegeta growls. This had better not be something stupid. Vegeta had actually been feeling pretty good for about half a second there.

“Can we do that again?” Vegeta’s eyes open and he turns to look at Kakarot’s big, dumb, smiling face. “Like, soon? That was nice.”

Vegeta can’t stop the telltale blush that floods his face at Kakarot’s words, but he can turn onto his side to face away from Kakarot. There is no way in hell he is responding to that at the moment because he’s well aware of what his body wants the answer to be. Vegeta needs some time to think and he can’t do that while looking at Kakarot’s stupidly attractive face. 

Kakarot doesn’t allow him too much space, though. The clown cuddles up behind him, octopus arms threading around Vegeta to pull him back against Kakarot’s overly large and very much naked body as Kakarot noses behind Vegeta’s ear like he has any right to do so. Kakarot must have actually lost his mind during that orgasm.

And, damn it, Vegeta must have lost his too, because he doesn’t say a damn word, just lets Kakarot continue to cuddle against him like the big, dumb puppy the man not-so-secretly is. Kakarot sighs in contentment and rests his head alongside Vegeta’s. The very fact that Vegeta is allowing Kakarot to get away with this makes him wonder who the bigger idiot is between him and the clown.

Vegeta holds himself stiffly, wondering how long it’s going to take before Kakarot starts demanding an answer but to his surprise, it never happens. The silence stretches on between them and when it is finally broken, it’s not by an inane comment or another question, but by Kakarot’s snoring. Vegeta twists around to make sure, but Kakarot is fast asleep, holding Vegeta tight.

For fuck’s sake.

Vegeta drops back down and stares over at his own empty bed. He could get up and get back in it. With Kakarot finally asleep, there’s likely to be blessed peace for hours now.

Or Vegeta can stay right where he is.

He is pretty tired, after all. He and Kakarot had pushed themselves hard today. And he doesn’t want to take the chance on Kakarot waking up. The way the clown is holding him, hands and arms taking liberties they shouldn't, Vegeta would be hard-pressed to extract himself from Kakarot’s clutches quietly.

He’ll move later, after he’s got a few good hours in. At least, that’s what he’s going to tell himself. He can lie to himself if he wants to. That’s his prerogative.

Vegeta pulls his pants back up to cover himself and lets himself follow Kakarot's lead, drifting off to sleep.

The second time Vegeta crawls into Kakarot’s bed, it’s just because the big idiot asked him to and no other reason whatsoever.


End file.
